Match Reports

Seconds out of Irish Junior Cup

Months of planning! Political game playing! Back stabbing! Recriminations! Threats of violence! Alleged (and denied!) unauthorised walkies for Fido! That’s what it takes to get a North Down Dirty Dozen south of the wall to Cork.

And what do we get when we get there?! Soaked by a craptastic watering system! Blasted by Arctic winds! Snowed on! Hailed on! And, finally sunned on all before the game started. Sad to report that things did not improve after the whistle. Using his years of experience, guile and skill skipper Magee eked out a toss-win and hence the pushback that bought us a slight advantage in the opening exchanges that enabled us to hold out until the 30th second before conceding.

And so the game progressed. There were rhino felling challenges, disagreements over the legality of diving/falling tackles, knee failure, catastrophic calf muscle implosion, arial bombardments, an almost total absence of marking from both sides and utterly pants attacking also from both sides. Cork slotted in 6, one of which was one of the jammiest goals ever witnessed giving them a conversion rate of approximately 0.1%. We on the other hand had a 100% conversion rate – 1 shot 1 goal…from Allen Irwin no less. Go us!

Meanwhile on the side lines Adam Tate, seemingly overcome with being forced to spend more than 10 minutes on the pitch due a lack of the usual smorgasbord of relief forwards on the bench, performed a personal protein purge in a conveniently placed bin beside our dugout. Seek medical advice Mr Tate.

Fast forward to the afters…

Ever popular but ironically out of favour North Down nudist/midfielderStephen Dalzell came within a whisker of a £900 accumulator only to have to settle for £100. The mathematically astute Dalzell deemed this an £800 loss. Mr Half Empty I think!

Mockey proved that portly middle-aged men can carry off a hoodie when needs must. As the absent Paul Work (nee Adgey) commented over social media “Mockey – he’s so street!”.

Andy Walls of our cultural attaché commissioned a one off live performance of popular northern ballad “The Sash” from a local street performer. We believe the commission was refused due to the performers lack of familiarity with the piece, although we’ll have to review CCTV footage and police reports to confirm.

Bizzaro baggy assed jeans are in – as modelled by hirsute GK Lee Brown and the regurgitating but otherwise immaculately turned out Adam Tate. The ladies seem to like’m boys (the jeans that is).

One more thing. Tatey, Michael Orr in this day and age there really is no excuse for not having fake id, I mean to say!

We came, we saw, we got hosed but boy did we have a good time.

Big thanks to all those who travelled and the club for throwing in some shekels for fuel.

Now…the league…hmmmmm.

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