Seconds lose, apparently!

The week 5 (or is it is it 6?) in the first reign of Dalzell The Dark’s 2s turn up for a brutal beating at the hands of the table topping mirth-repelling social grenades of Cookstown 2s only to save the Sizzlers the bother and administer some self harm in the shape of a half-centenarian gobby “forward” who couldn’t hit the hind quarters of a large cud chewing herbivore with a stringed instrument if his statistically closer to the end of his than his teammates life depended on it which thankfully it doesn’t seeing as it is a game that doesn’t mean anything consisting of a bunch of blokes running around with sticks after a ball.

But as that “forward” sits typing this punctuationless (if indeed that is even a word) codswallop wondering why the revising (so he suddenly says) rascal Robbie Sinclair isn’t typing it like he said he would he starts to think back and starts to think that maybe it wasn’t all his fault.

Maybe it was Darren Jammy Rodgers in goal, so dissatisfied was he with the oppo forward’s first attempt that he gave him a second altogether more successful go.

Maybe it was the “no one is saying but it’s probably true that the changing nappies ended his 1s career“ forward Scott Moore for missing when easier to score off the back of one of the finest aerials ever thrown from left back by someone who shouldn’t have actually been there to throw it but seeing as he was there and did throw it he has inadvertently given more ammo to the black hearted Mark Linter led campaign to have him cast out of the 2s for people who are frankly younger, weigh less, move more, use more punctuation and write shorter sentences.

Maybe it was Jamie Orr who has the legal boffins in The Hague considering a case against the Cookstown banter-hoover umpire for brandishing a green card at a very conscientiously objecting non-combatant.

Who knows, but tune in next week to find out what happens next. If Long John Linter gets his way 2s fans will be able to gasp a sigh of relief at shorter sentences, more punctuation and more, in the grand scheme of things, pointless guff about what actually happened during the game. Meanwhile 3s followers will be gasping for breath as they realise they’re not even going to get the score!